Feel the fear and do it anyway in 2025!

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Hello Wildheart, or should that be Braveheart?

I’m currently reading a book about a girl called Harriette, who is determined to conquer a lifetime of shyness by challenging herself to do one thing a day in December that scares her. It’s called Moonlight Over Manhattan by the wonderful Sarah Morgan.

It got me thinking of the things I always put off or am scared of, or think I cannot do. I wrote a list of them in my journal and have decided to follow in Harriette’s footsteps. I’m not sure I’ll do one a day but I hope to do as many of them as possible throughout the coming year.

Before the new year celebrations begin, I want to take a moment to thank you for being here. It’s usually that time of year when we’re invited to reflect on our lives so we can set goals for the future.

Or is it?

Not for me. I seem to be forever unraveling, reflecting and refining. Maybe it’s my deep-thinking Scorpio moon, or my daily journaling habit. Maybe it’s because I’ve made a life long commitment to heal from childhood trauma.

Thankfully, these days I’m living my life less according to other people’s rules and expectations, and more in alignment with my heart’s desires. This lead me to the realisation:

I face fear head on and move beyond it.

I did it this year when I closed down my business, got two part time jobs and committed to becoming a writer. I called it: The year I remembered I had gumption.

Other times when I’ve faced fear:

• when I was a little girl dealing with an emotionally volatile, violent parent on the daily

• at eighteen when I left home for the first time and went to live in France

• when I finally set boundaries with my mother and found myself estranged

• when I stopped drinking and smoking

• ten years ago when I left my safe corporate marketing job to start up my coaching business

• when I recorded my first podcast episode

• when I made my first online course

• when I wrote my first book, Stuck Between Two Worlds.

Can you recall your many times of firsts when you felt terrified? But then how did you feel afterwards? Yeah! GREAT. Really f*cking great. And proud. So proud with a big beaming smile and a warmth in your heart. Me too!

This is me in 2016 running The Grim, an eight mile muddy trail and obstacle race. It was so cold, and the lake froze over. So I peed in it to warm myself up.

I guess you could say I had courage, and I think you do too.

One of the first self-help books I read was Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. It propelled me out of my spiralling anxiety and into ten years of therapy for childhood trauma. I didn’t know it at the time, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Did it feel good?

Not all the time, no! I don’t actually think the goal is to feel good all of the time. The goal is to feel, and know that you are alive. To know that you choose this life and you get to decide how you live it.

Was it scary?

Yep. I’ve been paralysed by fear many times. My trauma response is ‘freeze’. I’ve lived most of my live in survival mode. Fear has stolen my voice repeatedly, made me doubt myself, kept me awake at night, and stuck in situationships that hurt me.

Fear prevented me from fully living life until I learned how to understand what happened in my body and what I needed.

Our brains are designed to decide if something is ‘interesting’ or ‘dangerous’. However, for those of us who had traumatic childhoods we didn’t have the luxury of choosing if it was ‘interesting’ because we didn’t feel safe. Our brain was constantly on red alert and stuck on ‘dangerous’.

So, it’s not as simple as Feeling the Fear and Doing It Anyway! It’s actually about taking baby steps and expanding your window of tolerance.

What is your window of tolerance?

As you move through change and grow, you will be like a toddler learning to walk. You might wobble or fall down and make a fool of yourself, but never-the-less, you keep going. Whilst you tentatively tip toe in the direction of your dreams, you cultivate patience and self-compassion for the little child inside of you that is still terrified.

You reassure her. You speak to yourself with kindness, and you don’t scold or beat yourself up. You do your best and when it gets too much you have a rest. You up your self-care and surround yourself by safe and kind people. By safe I mean people you trust and people who are on your team. In fact, you might need a therapist or a coach to get you started because you may need help co-regulating your nervous system. Especially if you’re a ‘freeze’ responder.

I won’t let fear stop me because fear is a liar. Nothing fear says is true.

Here are some things on my bucket list that I want to do next year:

• Publish my next book

• Write another book

• Make new friends

• Speak up in situations where I would have previously stayed quiet

• Find a new home by the sea

• Go to dance classes (thank you Srictly)

• Travel to Italy

What’s on your bucket list?

“Everything you’ve ever wanted is sitting on the other side of fear.”

There’s nothing like encouraging each other to be brave!

So if you want to be part of this wonderful community and follow my adventures next year, you can save 60% on an annual membership to The Intuitive Writer (that’s £24 for the whole year and only £2 a month).

You’re invited and I’d love for you to join us.

This year I have learnt so much from stepping out of my comfort zone and putting myself first. That’s another first. Probably the most important one because until I did that, there was always something or somebody that took priority over me.

You’re important and you matter.

Happy New Year 🥳 !

Love

PS If you enjoyed this post, please click on the heart at the bottom or the top of this email. It helps others discover The Intuitive Writer and makes me happy!

PPS Did you want to write your bucket list for this year? Download your free journal below 👇